I wrote this post last week, on the eve of Davis’ birthday. I wish I could say that in that time, things have gotten better, but I’m not sure I can. He is very clingy lately and wants me around him all the time. He is having a hard time falling asleep and gets weepy at the slightest thing. The other day he cried because a package we ordered a week ago won’t arrive until mid February. Frustrating, yes. Tear worthy, not so much.
On Friday he gets to go on an amazing field trip with his 5th grade class. The students will ride in charter buses to Houston to visit the Houston Museum of Natural Science. They leave at 6:15 in the morning and won’t return until 7:00 that evening. I am very excited for him to have this opportunity, but my heart is also breaking a bit.
You see, he wants me to go with him and I don’t see how I can. I expect to be starting my new job that day and even if I wasn’t, I have Ellis’ awards assembly to attend that morning at 8:00. But the thought of him being on a bus, without any friends, makes me incredibly sad for him.
Tonight, we were scrolling through my Instagram account and he came across this picture.
As soon as he realized what it was (it’s Ellis, Henry, and Davis at the Texas State Aquarium circa 2008-ish), he burst into tears. “I miss when you and dad were still together and we were a family”, he cried. “I miss the things we used to do and I miss when you loved me more than you do now!”
He went on to talk about how stressed he feels, how he hasn’t made any friends, and how he hates taking Tae Kwon Do.
Is it too early to be crowned “Mother of the Year”?
I feel horrible.
I want to tell him he doesn’t have to go on the field trip. Ridiculous, I know. It will be fun!
I want to tell him I will drop everything and go with him. But, I can’t see how that will help anything.
I want to tell him that I miss those old days too sometimes. I miss the things we did, the time we had to spend together when we stayed home while everyone else went off to work and school. And I will. I just don’t want to burden him with troubles beyond his years.
My fear is that I already have.