The Seventh Stranger

This morning when I awoke, I did my habitual interwebs check and noticed an update from Facebook. The entity that is Facebook wanted me to know that Richard and I had been friends there for seven years.

Seven years?  Where did the time go?

It didn’t take me long to realize that today must be my Facebook anniversary, the day I decided to enter this addictive, mind numbing at times, fun and annoying world that I’ve grown to be a part of and allow to become a part of me.

Thinking back on the past seven years, I immediately felt a full spectrum of emotions.  Loneliness, disbelief, recklessness, shame, regret, remorse, resolve, hope, and happiness.  During the span of my Facebook life, I have lived a thousand lives, with what seems a plethora of people, including many versions of myself.

And here I am today, all these lives later, SEVEN years later,  steadily moving onward, ever searching and growing one step closer to the me I’ve always dreamed of and wanted to be.

In the past seven years, many things have happened TO me and BECAUSE of me that are quite profound. I am proud of some of my actions and painfully and regretfully mortified by others.

When I searched online recently for the top stressors in life, I realized that I have lived and experienced almost all of the top twenty things that cause people massive stress.  Death, infidelity, divorce, bankruptcy, job loss, troubles with the law, remarriage and step parenting, among others.   My life has been and could still be considered a huge, hot, heaping mess.

Except, it’s not.

Oh, it’s messy for sure.  It is no where near the life I anticipated or dreamed of and still, quite honestly, DREAM of.   I know there is MORE out there for me, for us, my people.

But it’s a good life.  And I would be a complete ass for proclaiming otherwise.   The people I love are healthy and for the most part, they thrive.  I am healthy.  We have good food and cute clothes and a nice roof over our heads.  We laugh heartily and love deeply and cry and yell.  We also hug and kiss and smirk and smile.  Big.

Seven years ago, I friended a guy on Facebook who has now become my husband, my best friend,  the love of my life, the person who holds me up when I let all those unbelievable and incredible life stressors start creeping into my psyche and into the dark corners of my mind where the demons whisper with their nasty and convincing voices.  When I feel the weight of my world, my potential reality, crushing down on me, I know I have him and I have myself to hold me up and help carry on.

I’m not seized in desperation…

I traded in my shelter for danger.  I changed my name just as the sun went down.

But the stranger, for me,  is fear and despair.  I can’t and won’t let that defeat me.

And Facebook, hate it or love it,  helped remind me today that I have friends to see me through.  Friends who love me hard and unconditionally and for always.

And I’m thankful for that.

 

Macy Lane

Macy Lane

Writer mom of 5 boys who is married to one swell guy. Living life one lesson at a time. Lover of vintage finds, treasure hunts, and never paying full price. I'm slowly but surely becoming happy to be me and it feels great.

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