I want to say that she is with me always, but that wouldn’t be true. While I never forget she’s gone, I do forget to think about her and remembering what my days were like while she was here get harder and harder to bring forth.
Amy looks so much like her that I can catch a glimpse of her when pictures are posted on Facebook or Instagram. When I see pennies on the ground, I feel certain they’re from her dropped from Heaven, and lately…and this one is weird…my feet look more and more like hers. Crazy, but I’ll take what I can get.
One of the best ways that my mom stayed with me and in my thoughts was through one of her longest and dearest friends, Virginia Crawford. It never failed that when I’d write about my mom, Virginia would add some thoughtful comment about me or my writing, but more importantly, about my mom.
You see, Virginia was one of my most vocal, sharing, uplifting memories of my mom. She often sent me messages, telling me things about my mom that I could have never known if she hadn’t shared.
Here are a few of my favorites, in no particular order…
She almost idealized you. She thought you were very strong, very bright and creative.-this was her telling me what my mom thought of me.
We do what we have to do to survive. Good luck, Macy. I think you are very brave.
Just read the blog; you are and always have been more than enough. True beauty.
The first thing Charles said when he came in last night was, “I saw Macy.”. He knew that was the best message he could bring home to me. So glad Charles and Carrie got to see you and visit with you. Love, Virginia C!
I think you look fierce…
Happy birthday, newlywed, birthday girl. I remember you as a little baby and your mom checking on you just to see that you were still there. And I remember she gave you licks off a DQ cone when you were less than two months old. I never gave my babies ice cream, but it didn’t bother you one little bit.
These are but a few. I know there are more dispersed throughout our Facebook history, I just haven’t found them yet tonight. As I read through these though, I am realizing how wonderful she was to me, about me. She made me feel so loved.
She loved me enough to spank me when I disobeyed her (I was about three and I threw a toy across her living room after she told me not to) and she loved me enough to share memories about my mom. I see now how much she loved just me. Just as I was.
I am in shock and disbelief that she is now gone too. My heart hurts. No, it bleeds tonight. My mind cannot accept this. Tonight I say goodbye to an interesting, funny, thoughtful, intelligent, and loving woman. One of the best I’ve ever known.
Virginia, I’ll miss you and your reassuring, nurturing words. I’ll miss your memories of my mom. I have to believe that you two are sitting together, laughing again, sending love down to me from above.