It’s been One. Of. Those days. You know the kind where the rug is pulled from beneath your feet? Never mind that I was wearing my amazing Chanel two tone flats (snagged for less than $10 from a thrift store). The ensuing pull and consequent fall were unexpected and definitely unwanted.
I lost my job today. I was laid off. Let go. Asked to work one more day and then no more (if I expect to be paid for it). I’m pretty certain they’d let me keep showing up, they just don’t have any money to pay me.
You see, I was a tutor at a local elementary school and my job was THE best. I started my mornings working with one of the strongest teachers I’ve ever been blessed to know. It was a fourth grade class and that age group is my most favorite. These kids are so special. It was a little slice of Heaven over on the east side of Austin and I was happy to drive to work everyday to help them learn. After that, my morning routine changed frequently, but lately, I’d been working with a class of twenty 5th graders who still want to learn and like to feel loved. After teaching them, I’d end my day teaching math to a group of the most enthusiastic and energetic third graders you’ve ever seen. They are adorable. A-dor-able.
Unfortunately, the funds granted for our tutoring positions ran out. Today, several of my colleagues were told that tomorrow is our last day. I sat in the meeting with a calm demeanor. I clocked out and went to tell my fourth grader teacher that I was done after this week and then I got into my car and cried all the way home.
This job was perfect for me. I was able to work enough hours a week to make money to pay the bills I need to pay. I also had time off to help grow my new photography business, JCK Images. I also got to work with kids without having to be THE main one in charge (thank you to all the teachers I worked with).
But after tomorrow, it’s gone. I’m officially unemployed and unsure and unable to see where I am headed.
I keep thinking of two women who impact my life, Maria from The Sound of Music and Glennon Melton Doyle from Momastery. Maria says in one of my most favorite movies that “When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.” My door has been closed, but I am eager to find my window, however small, wherever placed. Glennon says many things that resonate with me, but the main saying tonight has to do with donning my ‘perspectacles’ and seeing things with my right eyes.
I’m sad. I’m dejected. I honestly wonder when things in my life will get a bit easier. I have created some hardships for myself over the past several years, but a lot of what I’ve lived through was not any fault or doing by me. I’m tired and I’m ready for a bit of coasting and reprieve from the insomnia inducing, anxiety producing, stressful life I face daily.
But when I think about the windows that might open and I put on my
nerdy cute and smart perspectacles, I know in my heart of hearts that my life is good. I will be okay. My kids will eat well next month and I won’t have to sell my car. We are healthy and we are happy together. If that is what we have, then we are rich.
BUT…if you know of anyone hiring a creative, hardworking photographer, writer, teacher, window seeking, perspectacle wearing person, PLEASE let me know!